Patience

Last week we had a home visit from Natalie, Val's trainer at Fitness for Health. With Val's Suburban in the shop for repairs, I was nervous to take her 30 minutes each way in my little car in case she became agitated during the trip. Although we had to pay for the travel time for Natalie, it was an opportunity to work on Valerie's tricycle riding skills. It was a beautiful day for November and perfect for doing an outdoor activity. We got the trike out of the garage and took it across the street to a protected side road that gets very little traffic. Val walked out of the house nicely and willingly got on the trike. She steered as we pushed, and all went well until we came to the part of the road where a noisy truck was parked. Something about that truck and the sound it made, upset Valerie and she got off the trike and began to have a tantrum in the street. I went back to our house to get my car and drove it to where Valerie was sitting in the street, which motivated her to get up and climb inside my car. I drove back into my garage, closed the garage door and smoothly transitioned Valerie back to her room for indoor recreational activities. Afterward, Natalie and I chatted about how things had gone with our first attempt at tricycle riding. She was happy that Valerie got on the bike and had stayed on it for several minutes until the distraction of the truck. Valerie loves working with Natalie because Natalie is happy for whatever Valerie is willing to give to an activity. Natalie respects Valerie's feelings, interests and limitations on any given day. Some people respond to being pushed, but Valerie pushes back. Everything is on her terms, at her pace, and nothing can be forced without negative consequences to all concerned. I agreed with Natalie, that it was a positive start, and keeping Valerie's experience with Natalie a positive one is critical to her continued willing cooperation during future sessions. I have learned to expect progress in any area of Valerie's learning to take several months, if not years, of work on a weekly basis. Those people who have been successful in their work with Valerie have had to have faith in Valerie and themselves. Those who are in a hurry to get results and who want to be in charge become discouraged before they see what she is capable of. It took over a year to get Valerie to stay on a horse for more than a few minutes during therapeutic riding sessions. It took about 5 months for our speech therapist to get Valerie to want to work with her for a full hour most sessions, and it took about the same length of time for the tutor to get her engaged in work for most of an hour long session with hardly any behavior outbursts. Valerie is kind of contrary, like her mom. When she understands that no one is going to force her to do more than she wants to do, then she becomes more willing to participate for longer periods of time. She becomes happy to see a therapist who respects her wishes, lets her take a break or move on to another activity if she wants to stop. Then the the therapist, staff and I begin to see what she can really do, and we see skills grow. Building rapport and trust first is critical to making progress with Valerie. Keeping things low-pressure and relaxed is important to making progress with her. If Valerie is using all her energy to fight for control, she isn't learning anything. Natalie said, "I wish you could talk to some of our parents at Fitness for Health. Some ask me what progress was made after one session. I was just happy that the child was focused during that session." She and I understand that progress takes time and patience when working with a person who has special needs. She is a perfect trainer for Valerie because she appreciates what Valerie gives to each session, and if that is only 30 minutes of work without any inappropriate behaviors, even though the session is for one hour, so be it. Valerie leaves happily, and is that much more willing to come back again the next week and work for 40 minutes because it was fun last time. I would say to parents who expect quick results, that it will not happen on your time schedule but it will happen if you are patient, accepting, and respectful of your child. A therapist can give your child what they need to move forward if you take away the pressure for measurable results in a specific period of time. Take the pressure off of your child and the therapist and let it take as long as it takes. I came close to giving up Val's sessions at Fitness for Health before Natalie became her trainer. Valerie was spending most of her sessions there fighting with other trainers and her support staff to leave the place almost as soon as she arrived. It had become a negative experience for her and at times she wouldn't even leave the car to go inside when staff arrived with her. Then there was fire in the building where the sessions took place. The sessions were cancelled for about 7 weeks as a result of repairs. When she returned, it was after a home visit by a new trainer, and the facility had moved upstairs and had a different layout. We had some tantrums during the first couple of sessions with Natalie, one really rough one, but things improved really quickly and our last session at the facility was 50 minutes of participation with no behavior problems at all. We started slowly, with only once session a week, but now things are going so well that I am ready to increase her schedule back to two sessions a week, which she had before the fire. I am thankful to the therapists and trainers who have worked with Valerie when they did not see progress, but believed that Valerie had it in her and believed in their own ability to find a way to bring out her potential. They didn't give up or become discouraged and it paid off for them and for her.